Scumbag College - A HeroQuest Skirmish game

 Welcome to Scumbag College.

Scumbag College, seat of indoctrination since 1982.

The lads came over last night for our much-delayed monthly roleplaying session. I wasn't ready to run the next Pirate Borg rpg scenario and still had stuff to paint for the next adventure. So, I hit on a very cunning plan. Why not subject them to being unwilling test subjects in playing my HeroQuest Skirmish game. So, I did.

Aerial view of the Scumbag Collage main campus.

A group of students from National Action for Socialism International (NASI) protesting for the 'I Support the Latest Thing!' day of action is making a ruckus at the College fountain. Sergent Kneecapper, Constable Piggins and Probationary Constable Shirty have arrived to encourage the students to go and actually do something productive for once, like attend their class lectures. Suddenly, behind the protestors, a dishevelled and sickly-looking professor shuffles out of the main building. Blood dripping from his face.

Over at the College Bus, three more rather poorly looking students emerge onto the main quadrangle.

Over near where Neil had set up his Lentil's Against Hunger stand, two more pale strangers arrive. One dressed in a hospital gown.

Rick, having called the Fuzz "fascist" once too many times has been arrested and escorted to the main gate by Constable Piggins, there to await the arrival of a paddy wagon to transport him to the local constabulary lockup. But a sudden loud scream catches Constable Piggins attention. Abandoning his charge, he leaves Rick to hasten away to the sound for distress.

Meanwhile Neil has returned to Vyvyan's Ford Anglia to collect something for his Lentil stall. There he finds the car locked and a note on the window. The note is from the Scumbag College groundsman and  caretaker and states that Vyvyan's car keys were found in the quadrangle by a student and handed to him. Vyv can come get them from his caretaker cottage when he gets back to his car. But Vyv arrives just then and has some shocking news to tell Neil and the others after he and SPG got away from Pitzer Medical Research Labs.

Vyv: "Neil, where are the others?"

Neil: "Uh, well Mike is over there by the car chatting up some chick and Rick has just been arrested for calling some pig a fascist."

Vyv: "We gotta get out of here Neil. There are zombies coming."

Neil: "Zombies, Vyv? You mean actual zombies?"

Vyv: "Yes Neil, actual zombies. We gotta hurry."

Neil: "Oh no Vyv!"

Neil starts acting in a panic.

Vyv: "Stop it, Neil. We gotta hurry and get out'a here."

Neil: "Oh, nooo. Heavy. That's heavy man. You know I'm a vegetarian and they're carnivores. What are we gonna do man? Heavy!"

Vyv: "Look Neil, you go get Mike, and I'll get girly pants Rick. We'll meet back here and get away in my car before they arrive."

Neil: "Oh, wait just a second Vyv. There was a note on the windshield of your car."

Vyvyan takes the note from Neil and reads it.

Vyv: "Oh, that's just great Neil. I gave you the keys so you could get the lentils out of the boot. Not lose them."

Neil: "Sorry Vyv. I must have dropped them when I burnt my hand on the pot of lentils I was cooking up."

Vyv: "That's no excuse Neil. When this is over, I'm just going to have to kill you."

Neil: "Uh, Ok Vyv. But shouldn't we get the guys and leave first." (Neil points to the entrance to the College).

Vyv: "Look, you get Mike, and I'll get my keys. I find Rick on the way."

Neil: "Right on, Vyv."

They turn to leave when Vyvyan stops Neil one more time.

Vyv: "And Neil."

Neil: "Yes Vyv?"

Vyvyan suddenly head butts Neil.

Vyv: "Don't lose my keys again!"

Neil: (staggering and concussed) "Uh, OK Vyv."

They both leave to find the others.

THE MISSION: The lads had to simply get Vyvyan's keys from the caretaker, get back to their car and get out of there. They all had to be present at the car in order to leave. None of them could be left behind. Well, at least the surviving guys had to be all at the car before they could leave. SPG was an NPC for Vyvyan, but otherwise each of the guys played one of the main characters. Picking up their items was not essential but highly advised. They could rescue people by escorting them to the main gate, where they would run off and escape the zombie attack (for now!). The police however would engage the zombies on sight and so were (kind of) a supporting cast that could help the lads. ANY NPC (other than SPG) and was contacted by a zombie would be killed and turned into a zombie the subsequent turn. The Police had their own stats and would fight. But if they were killed, they too would become zombies.

THE INFESTATION: There were six spawn points on the table. The first half-dozen zombies were placed randomly at one of the spawn points. These were all Zombie Shufflers. Each turn additional zombies would arrive. If loud noises were made (e.g. protesting, screaming, shooting, etc) an additional spawn marker would be placed at the nearest spawn point. For multiple spawn markers at a spawn point, a zombie would be placed on each marker at the end of the Monster Phase. Those zombies would become active on the next Monster Phase. Once all the zombies were on the table, the spawn points would become non-functioning. So, there would be a maximum of 37 zombies on the table before all spawn points became inactive.

There were 30x Zombie Shufflers, 2x Zombie Runners, 2x Zombie Brutes, 2x Toxic Zombie Brutes (who explode on death doing 3x Attack Dice and using the Small Blast Template centred on the Toxic Brute), and 1x Toxic Spitter Zombie (spit attack of 8" and 2x Attack Dice).

Rick, finding himself suddenly free, stops weeping and starts acting like a tough guy

Rick: "Yeah, fascist bully boy. That's right. Nobody messes with The Peoples Poet."

Mike, having both grossed out and offended a female student, is nearly run over by the girl as she drives off whilst yelling at him to drop dead.

Mike: "I think she likes me." Mike muses to himself as she leaves.

Rick's Poetry Book was confiscated by Constable Piggins when he was arrested and placed in the police car's glove box. There also happens to be a revolver and ammo in there. Meanwhile, in the back of the open boot of the car, a sawn-off shotgun is clearly visible.

The Caretaker watches on, shaking his head. He didn't fight for the British Army so that these entitled brats could spit on the country he fought for and loves. One of these days, he ponders, they will get their comeuppance. That day may just have arrived.

Here is the crew, the Zombies, and the equipment cards. All starting equipment must be picked up first. They don't begin the game with them; the lads must pick them up using an Action if they can get to where the items are located. For Rick to use his Poems, he has to pick up his poetry book. Likewise, the others don't get the benefits of their items until they pick them up.

Not surprisingly, the lads scattered in four different directions, heading for their gear.

Probationary Constable Shirty was the first to fall. The protesting students panicked and fled towards the College entrance. Constable Shirty engaged the oncoming Zombies from the school bus spawn point and was quickly munched on. Num, num, num. He became a Zombie Shuffler next turn.

The protesting students could all move 5" per turn, but the wheelchair protesting students could only move 3". They could, at a push, move 6" but there was a chance their electric wheelchairs would short out and catch fire if they did so (roll of a Black Shield on the dice).

Over by Neil's lentils, Constable Piggins also went down. More munching saw the officer become another Zombie Shuffler next turn. This was interesting as the Zombies were very close to the entrance and the escape route of the fleeing students.

Vyv went to pick up his Cricket Bat but was interrupted by a Shuffler.

Sergent Kneecapper put up outstanding resistance throughout the night. He took down several zombies and at one time ended up surrounded by five of them. Sadly though, he fell in the end and also became a Zombie Shuffler later in the game. Above you can see that he has suffered one hit to his Body stat of 2. Tough. But not tough enough.

Rick managed to collect his gear and decided to use his pistol several times. But this only added noise to that location, causing additional spawn markers to be added to the nearest spawn point. What could go wrong?

The students fleeing too the College entrance.

Mike had his shotgun by then. Neil still hadn't made it to his lentils. Mike's use of his shotgun would prove invaluable throughout the night.

The first group of students are taken down by the zombies. They would spawn as zombies at the end of the Monster phase and chase after the rest of the students next turn.

Mike's shotgun was very useful. Here he unloaded with both barrels for 8 Attack Dice. You roll per zombie under the Flame Template. So, Mike rolled the 8 Attack Dice four times here for this one attack.

Neil finally made it to his lentil stew but was interrupted in picking it up by a nasty surprise.

More of them!

Sergent Kneecapper slowly getting overwhelmed but held firm.

The caretaker watches on. Interestingly none of the zombies paid him any attention. Meanwhile Rick kept shooting at zombies and more of them started appearing near him. I wonder why?

Only two of the students managed to escape. The rest were all taken down and chomped on. The two wheelchair zombies respawned as Zombie Runners, so perhaps there was a benefit to become a zombie for them?

Vyv finally took out his interfering zombie and picked up his Cricket Bat. The players eyes lit up as I gave him the Cricket Bat card and he read it. I didn't give the players any of their equipment cards until they actually picked up their gear. I then made them read the card aloud to the other players. There was much mirth here at this.

To my incredulity however, none of the lads had ever watched The Young Ones and so none of them got the nods to the episodes on the cards. To say I was disgusted was an understatement.

The student hoard now a hoard of zombies. And they were right at the College escape point.

Rick became more and more swamped. Partly because he was the closest visible non-zombie. But mustly because his shooting caused noise that added to the numbers of zombies spawned close to him.

I forgot to mention that the Dean of Scumbag College was located in a building near Neil's Lentil stall. I place here there so she was visible to the lads, but she was actually hiding inside the building.

With all other zombies now on the board, the Toxic Spitter Zombie was the last to spawn. It just happened to appear at the spawn point closest to Neil and his Lentils stall.

Mike, mostly hidden by the tree in the centre of the photo here, opens up against a bunch of zombies. But the Toxic Zombie Brute was just outside of the template and so missed being shot at. Mike eventually got it and it exploded. But Mike was outside of the Small Blast Template for the zombie and so was safe. The lads realised at that moment how they may use this type of zombie to their advantage and later they were able to take out the other Toxic Brute and a zombie next to it when it exploded.

This photo was the point at which Rick went down. He rolled three Black Shields in an attack with his pistol and ran out of ammunition. His action done, he was attacked by five zombies in the subsequent Monster Phase. He kept putting off using his Poems which was a mistake. By sticking to his pistol, he caused more zombies to appear near him each turn. He also stayed where he was and so brought them all to him. Not a wise move.

Eventually, the lads whittled down the zombies, as no new ones were spawning, and revived a chomped-on Rick with some health food from their lunch box that was nearby. But I have some fun ideas on what will happen to Rick if we get around to playing this again. He is carrying the zombie virus now, after all.

It was a great game and had some intense moments for the lads. It took very little effort to run it and devise the scenario, thank goodness. A great night for everyone except Rick. Who whined about it for the rest of the night.

The Young Ones on Vacation - HeroQuest Skirmish battle report part 10

You can find part 9 of this battle report over here.

Happy ANZAC Day!

TURN 10 

To catch up from the last turn, Vyvyan found himself with two body points damage after being slapped by a Zombie Shuffler. SPG narrowly managed to dodge being run over by an overzealous Security Trooper seeking revenge for his fallen comrades, hiding behind a tree. Trooper 2 went nuts and manically started running over zombies and the zombies themselves continued to gather towards the loudest sounds and most visible non-zombie, i.e. Trooper 2 running amok in his Humvee.

The Hero Phase opened up with SPG rolling 7" for movement. The hamster ran from behind the tree he was hiding behind, under the Dodge truck and over towards Vyvyan by the stairs to the caretaker's cottage.

Vyvyan suffered two body hits from the slapping female zombie last turn. In response, he swings his cricket bat and scores 3x Skulls to the female zombies single Black Shield. Smashing the zombie's skull in. Vyv watched with indifference its lifeless body slide back down the stairs to where SPG stood. Giving the horror the two fingered salute, Vyv decided to stay where he was as its safer here for both he and SPG than anywhere else right now.

"Ock. Nice shot Jimmy,"

The Security Team phase now came around and the only one left was Trooper 2 driving the Humvee. Trooper 2 rolls 10" for movement. Speeding forwards, with a zombie still on the bonnet, he slams forwards six inches into another group of zombies. Trooper 2's maniacal driving also managed to collect a Zombie Brute along the way.

The Brute suffered 3x Skull hits to its paltry single Black Shield defence roll and was mushed under the vehicle's tyres.

With the force of the impact, bonnet zombie found itself airborne and slammed into the vegetation clump beyond, where it suffers 3 Skulls damage to its single Black Shield defensive roll.

Into the trees sucker!

The Humvee managed to impact three of the zombies as it came to a screeching halt. The subsequent rolling from the impact of the vehicle saw two of the three zombies mushed, whilst the third one was only grazed, i.e. the single Skull attack scored was negated by a single Black Shield in its Defence roll.

With that carnage, Trooper 2 was still technically in his movement action. As he rolled a total of 10" for movement, it seemed cinematic that he should then reverse the remaining 4". Amazingly, given that he had turned the vehicle around to hit the first batch of zombies, reversing hard another 4" actually saw him run over two more zombies directly behind him (and yes, I had to double check the movement of all that to make sure!).

The sudden hard reverse took out the Bloodface Zombie and one other, Bloodface suffering a 4 Skull attack and failing to role any Black Shields in defence. The other zombie being crunched by one unnegated Skull hit. The reverse also saw the Humvee drag the remains of the Zombie Brute along with it granting a suitable gory end to that monster.

With that, the manic driving of Trooper 2 came to an end and so did the Security Teams Phase. Only the Monster Phase was left.

The zombies, true to form, went after the loudest, closest, visible non-zombie that they could see. That was Trooper 2 in the Humvee. Shuffling forwards, they gathered around the vehicle.

With nothing to chew on, the Monster Phase came to a swift end.

With this, it became obvious as to where this was heading. Trooper 2 was in an ideal position to keep exacting vengeance for his fallen comrades by running over their monstrous killers. Trooper 2 would drive away content in the knowledge that he had whipped out the immediate zombie presence. 

Interestingly, technically the Security Team never got a chance to notice Vyvyan and SPG and as such would not be arresting them (or shooting them) for being on the grounds of the Research Laboratory during the emergency.

This would leave a clear run for Vyvyan and SPG to get to Vyv's Ford Anglia and get out of there. A clean getaway for our Heroes.

Vyv spies the carnage cause by Trooper 2's wild driving

And so, I decided that that would be the perfect end to the game. Vyv and SPG driving off into the sunset having escaped the emergence of the Zombie threat. Now to find Mike, Rick and Neil.

The Jolly Roger for Pirate Borg

 

I have mentioned in the past that my role-playing group has been up to shenanigans lately using the excellent Pirate Borg (D20 OSR/Mork Borg) system, and I can't highly recommend it enough. Seriously, it is excellent.

The lads have been searching for their missing ship, and it hit upon me that for the next adventure they would encounter a very famous Captain that was hunting them for a certain Gem of the Sea that they now possess. So that Pirate Captain would need a ship, and I decided that I would make that ship The Jolly Roger.

Previously I had purchased a Bambu Lab A1 filament printer. I had some teething problems with it doing layer line skipping and it took me a while to work out that I had incorrectly replaced a panel I had removed when lubricating the rails, and that this was the source of my woes. Problem solved I set about looking for a suitable model for the good 'ol Roger. In my travels I found one of the first submarine designs ever produced. In an epiphany, I had found my Jolly Roger!

But who would crew such a bizarre beast of the seas? Of course, who else but a bunch of bilge rats. With that, the bones of the next adventure began to take formal shape.

This model comes from the Bambu Studios creation hub and is a full submarine. So, I needed to cut the bottom off in Bambu Studios software and print it out as it will be sitting on the surface of the water when the lads encounter it. I used a 0.4mm nozzle and so nothing flash in the settings and it worked fine.

As it is a small model (approx. 18cm) compared to the pirate ship I already have (you can see that each of the small squares on my cutting board are 1cm), it could only hold a small crew onboard. Thus, the idea of The Bilge Rats as its crew began to make logical sense. A bunch of Skaven-like like rat pirates. Given also that the Captain won't be a rat, it makes sense that they serve under his leadership with some resentment. Hence some of the graffiti visible on the 'Roger.

And so, with that The Jolly Roger prepares to set sail. All I need to do is paint the Captain, First Mate, and the Bilge Rats crew. And a whole bunch of other things before we have out next game. No rest for the wicked, hey?

The Young Ones on Vacation - HeroQuest Skirmish battle report part 9

You can find part 8 of this battle report over here.

TURN 9 

The Hero Phase opened this time with SPG. The poor hamster hasn't moved much all game and is slowly getting swamped by zombies bordering the pond. In desperate need of a break, he finally rolls high for his movement. Scoring 11" of movement he decides to go for it. Crossing the shortest stretch of water to the ponds' edge, he darts between the legs of a Zombie Shuffler and makes a run for open ground and the caretaker's cottage where he saw Vyvyan entre recently. He has just enough movement to get beyond the zombies shuffling reach at the end of the turn.

"Och, out of my way Jimmy!"

Meanwhile Vyvyan decides that he has had enough of the lack of gratuitous violence and decides to take out the two zombies at the front door of the cottage. The door remains unlocked and so it's only a matter of time before even the stupid zombies manage to open in.

Rolling 10" for movement, Vyv heads for the door. The door is now unlocked and so doesn't require him to use an action to open it. This is good because he needs that action free or he wouldn't be able to attack. Vyv having a Cricket Bat gets a special rule. If he is in melee with multiple models, he can swing the bat attacking each one by dividing his Attack Dice as evenly as possible amongst his attackers. So that will be three Attack Dice on each zombie!

"You know, its moments like these that make me lose my usual tolerance towards communal living."

Rolling three Attack Dice on each zombie, Vyv gets three White Shields on the female zombie and two White Shields and a Skull on the male zombie. In defence, the male zombie rolls three Skulls. Vyv's swing of the bat must have missed the female and slammed to mush the head of the male zombie. This leaves Vyv with a zombie to worry about at the end of the turn.

"Missed! But I did smash his face in."

It's now the Security Turns phase and there is only Trooper 2 left alive. Now safe behind the wheel of the Humvee, he is ready to avenge his fallen comrades. He revs the engine and drops the clutch.

As a special rule, I decided that for each inch the vehicle moves, any zombie or person in the vehicle's way will suffer that amount of Attack Dice. For example, if 5" is rolled for movement, then any zombie in the way of the vehicle from the start of its move to where it finishes will suffer five Attack Dice.

Trooper 2 rolls 7" for movement. He elects to drive 5" straight forward and 2" further at a 45-degree angle. But any zombie in that path is going to suffer seven Attack Dice. In order to be eligible to suffer damage though the zombie's base must be in the front of the vehicle as it moves.

Eleven zombie bases are in front of the vehicle.

Road rage ensues as ten Zombie Shufflers and one Brute are in the way of the vehicle and the fence beyond. These zombies experience the craftmanship of the front fender, being smashed into various shades of red. One Shuffler however somehow manages to end up surviving seven Attack Dice and ends up on the bonnet of the vehicle still alive (in zombie terms). SPG meanwhile looks on in horror as the vehicle almost reaches where he is sheltering behind a tree.

The Monsters now get their phase and the female Shuffler in melee with Vyvyan lets fly with a bunch of slaps. Strangely reminding Vyv of his mother as he grew up, he suffers two Skulls in that attack. Vyv, stunned by the likeness of his mum, fails to defend himself and so suffers two Body hits. He has a total of 8 Body Points, so he is still alive. But that was savage.

"Ouch. Mum!"

"That hurt!"

With no other zombies in melee, the remainder shuffle after the closest visible, or the noisiest, non-zombie visible to their LOS. The Humvee is definitely the loudest, but SPG is also visible to some zombies, and a Congo-line forms up directly behind the hamster. Vyv, for now, is mostly hidden by the movement of the Humvee and so escapes attention.

Congo, Congo, Congo

And so, turn 9 comes to a crashing halt.

Happy Easter, 2026

Matthew 20:17-19 (NIV)

Jesus Predicts His Death a Third Time

¹⁷ Now Jesus was going up to Jerusalem. On the way, he took the Twelve aside and said to them, ¹⁸ “We are going up to Jerusalem, and the Son of Man will be delivered over to the chief priests and the teachers of the law. They will condemn him to death ¹⁹ and will hand him over to the Gentiles to be mocked and flogged and crucified. On the third day he will be raised to life!”

 

May this Easter bring you rest, an abiding sense of peace in a very troubled world, and the everlasting deep-seated joy of knowing the one who died for you to give you true life.

The Young Ones on Vacation - HeroQuest Skirmish battle report part 8

You can find part 7 of this battle report over here.

TURN 8 

Vyvyan opens the Hero Phase with a movement roll of 5". Spying his car keys on the table in front of him, he leaves the front door. Going over to the table, he grabs his keys by the weird eldritch keychain a little old lady once gave him as a gift. "Not sure about that old lady. Something odd about her. Brilliant keychain though!" he reminisces to himself.

Meanwhile SPG, Vyv's pet hamster, is having issues down at the pond. The little fella rolls a total of 6" for movement, but he will have to swim across the pond to escape. Given that one inch of movement in water is equal to two inches of movement in clear terrain, the hamsters only options are to move the shortest distance to either side of the pond. However, awaiting there are two separate, hungry groups of zombies. Not a good situation.

Given his predicament, SPG decides to stay where he is for now. The poor little fella hasn't done more than move around the pond. He can't escape these wretched zombies.

So now it's the Security Teams phase. When I say Security Team, I really mean just the last survivor. Trooper 2 has watched in horror as his entire team got whipped out by zombies.

With nothing left to stay for, Trooper 2 uses his action to pop the Humvee roof hatch and drop down inside before closing it. No reason to stand around here shooting at these things. "It's time to get out of this horror show"; he says to himself.

With that, it's over to the Monster Phase.

Zombies aren't bright. The two Shufflers on the cottage porch are no exception to this rule given that they have a Mind of '0'. So, I decided that they can both each roll one die. If one of them scores a Black Shield, then it has managed to accidentally turn the doorknob as it bashes on the door and open it.

They both however managed to roll a Skull indicating that the stupid things just kept bashing on the door without effect.

Over at the pond the Zombies gathered there don't move, electing to stay and stare at the pint-sized snack on the little island in the middle of the pond. If only zombies weren't afraid of water. Actually, they aren't afraid of it so much as they avoid it. So SPG remains safe...for now. The last thing he'd want right now would be for a Spitter Zombie to show up. If such a thing exists. Hmm?

Finally, the remaining zombies all shuffle towards the car park and continue to surround the Security Team's Humvee where Trooper 2 looks on with growing horror.

And so, Turn 8 comes to a quick close and the Hoard shows no sign of stopping.